Newspaper Letters For Fun And Prophet

Last night the wife pointed out a couple of letters to the editor in our local newspaper that she figured I would find rather ridiculous.

She was right.

I am planning on sending off a reply letter in response to one writer (people can be wrong off the internet, too!), but I figured that this letter is perfectly ripe for a bloggy, snark-filled fisking.

"In response to the letters to the editor of Dec. 15 Capital News, in regards to whether God delivered the miners or not, or whether God even exists, I understand how you feel. I understand your logic."

Somehow I doubt that you understand how non-believers feel, nor do you truly understand logic.

"I, as a born again believer, have a real relationship with God, and because I love him I, and all others who believe the same way as me, would want to defend God with everything that we are."

I'm sure children with an invisible friend also considers that a loving, real relationship, too. They also might desire to defend themselves from criticisms of their incorporeal buddy. Yet that doesn't actually make their invisible friend real or of any value to others.

"Yet God does not need defending."

But you don't stop after this sentence. You keep going in order to defend that which apparently needs no defense. This can't bode well for the content of the rest of your letter.

"He is God and there is no one like Him. We cannot control Him and the decisions He makes."

We also can't see him, hear him, or discern any real effect he might have in the universe.

"We don’t always understand why He does things the way He does, but He always has a purpose in what He does.We always want Him to do things our way, but He is God, and He is the one calling the shots."

Well, considering that nobody's been able to show God "doing" anything, those are rather nonsensical statements to make.

"I can make anyone believe there is a God who loves and cares about them, but I can’t tell you that if you just look around, you can see God in every day life. Just the fact that people went to help those who were trapped in the mine shows care and concern for their fellow man."

So, because people care for other people, God exists? Got any other non sequiturs you'd like to pass along as religious "wisdom"?

"Commandments in the Bible are to 'love your neighbour [sic] as you love yourself.'"

Don't forget "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" and "slaves obey your masters".

"As you can’t see the wind or emotions or thoughts, you can see the evidence of them all the time. It is the same with God. You don’t need miraculous signs to validate His existence because you are a miracle."

There's six billion people on the planet, with thousands more born every day. Talk about lowering the standard for what qualifies as a miracle.

"Knowing that you have millions of nerve cells, an autonomic system which works without you doing anything, just tells me that I am here by design."

The fact that your body tries to fight off invading bacteria and viruses means somebody or something has a plan for your life? If He had a plan for your life, why doesn't he just keep those dangerous microbes from hurting you? I guess if you've got nothing else you might as well keep those non sequiturs coming!

"An intelligent design working through science because He is the author of science."

If God is the author of science, how come he never put any good science in the Bible? He could have saved immense amounts of suffering and lifetimes of effort by outlining the scientific method for us, or revealing the germ theory of disease for us, or even at least giving us the proper cooking temperature for pork. Instead, all we got was orders to not wear clothing made from two different types of fiber and warnings to avoid boiling a young goat in its mother's milk. Consider me underwhelmed.

"I am one of a kind, and there is no one exactly like me in this world of billions of people. So I would like to put a challenge out to you. Ask yourselves some questions like: Where did good and evil come from?"

Good and evil are human constructs that we use to explain the difference between people who follow societal laws and norms, and those who don't.

"Why are the laws of the land based on Ten Commandments?"

The first two commandments are "love the Lord thy God with all your heart" and "thou shalt have no other gods beside me". What Canadian laws are analogous to these two commandments? The answer is "none". Our laws are based on English Common Law, which traces its roots back to pre-Christian Roman Law.

"Who keeps the planets in perfect order in the universe?"

Gravity. While I agree that gravity is a cool theory, I don't think it qualifies enough to be granted personhood.

"Who created emotions within the human heart?"

The heart does not contain emotions, that would be a product of the brain (You'll notice we consider other animals to have emotions, too). As for who created emotions, that would be evolution, as a by-product of increasing intelligence. Again, an excellent, well-supported theory that shouldn't be considered a person.

"A lot of people ask themselves where did God come from. As with Darwin’s theories, and Christianity, we have to take them both by faith."

Umm, no. There's a big difference in assuming your invisible sky fairy exists because of an ancient book edited together from a bunch of oral histories, and examining physical evidence to come to a reasonable scientific conclusion.

"The choice is yours. God will never push His way into people’s lives but will let them believe what they want."

Tell that to most of his followers. Also, have you actually read the Bible? Specifically, the Old Testament? God had a reputation of being quite the bully. Thankfully, these days he seems pretty much absent. Must be all the science laying about, waiting for him to reveal himself. Science is Yahweh's kryptonite!

"If they want to know Him, He will reveal Himself to them, and if not, He will not force Himself on anyone. He is a gentleman."

So if God hasn't revealed himself to you, it's all your fault because you don't want to know him! Also, forget all that killing the unbelievers in the name of God that is a major theme throughout most of the Bible! Lastly, what kind of "gentleman" tortures people for all eternity for not believing in Him?

"I hope for all of you who have written God off as a figment of imagination, that you will take a risk and ask those questions and other ones and see where it takes you. Jesus took the challenge of becoming a man on the planet, dying a horrible death because of love for what he created; rising from the dead so we can live a victorious life."

Zombie Jesus came back for our brains, and it looks like He already got to yours.

"I would rather believe in a God who loves me and cares about my life than to believe nothing, having no hope in anything except yourself or science which cannot change the heart of man."

Yes, we understand that you'd rather believe in an invisible sky fairy than have to understand all that hard sciencey stuff that explains things. Thankfully, there are curious, hardworking people who will use science to try to drag our society into the next century of progress. You don't have to come along if you don't want to, but please stay out of the way.

"I would like to see a man create something out of nothing. It takes God."

Ahh, the "turtles all the way down" defense. But you're wrong, man DID create something out of nothing: he created God.